Now, I do listen.. At the right time

That’s a Saturday , a usual weekend for me . As I was in relaxing mood, I heard the news, is a shock of my life, I shivered, felt miserable,moved and tears started rolling out from eyes. Yesterday night Ila aunty, who stays in 5th floor committed suicide .She is in her 60’s ..Ila aunty is very close to me. She used to share all her pains and gains with me . Sometimes she used to wait at the gate and accompany me till my flat only to share some of her fears about her family.

Last monday when I was rushing to work . she asked me “Beti , tumsezaroori bath karnekahain “ (my dear child , I need to talk to you something very urgent ) . As I was in a hurry my reply was, ‘‘No aunty, not now , I will come to you on Saturday spend time with you . Now I need to rush. Bye take care’’ Now her last words are roving in my ears,“What she want to tell ? What is that so important ? Was that the reason for her death? I would have listened to her on that day ,would have saved her ? Yes , I cannot discount my ignorance on that day. May be , I am also one of the reason for her extreme step . I would have listened to her at least . I repented a lot for not listening to her. Friends , even today I could not surface out myself from this guilt. But learned a very pricey lesson. I started developing a big ear to listen and an open, unbiased thinking to respond . Not just listening ,I commit myself to listen at the “Right Time with Right attitude“.

I do not hesitate saying , listening is one activity which not cultivated in our culture. We tend to be more concern about communicating our message, rather than the incoming information. Listening maybe more important than speaking. We cannot communicate effectively without proper listening. Let us spend few minutes to understand why don’t we listen and how to work on it to improve our listening . Most of us “Listen” to reply not to respond. We already decide what to reply and then pretend to listen. Inattentiveness and open eyes dreaming ,closes down all our listening ears and capabilities and possibilities of retaining information. This is acting listening Another important factor which affect our listening is, mentally disagreeing with the speaker and start preparing for an argument. This is a pre-judgmental listening.

The most common impediment is, we jump into conclusion before other person adding to that we do not show or have interest in what other person is talking or why he/she is talking. This listening is with negative attitude . Last but most important influencing factor for not listening is “lack of Time” , we do not have time to spend few minutes to listen to our parents , children, neighbors, friends, colleagues who would like to talk to us. Dear readers, we must listen carefully at right time and avoid makinghasty judgments . Your listening may help them to ventilate their problems , share the ideas , strengthen their actions and second their opinions.

Its worth spending some time and effort on improving listening skills. Few tips here to start with ..

1. Have a listening ear not a hearing one.
2. Never postpone the listening due to lack of time or interest.
3. Never interfere when it’s your turn to listen.
4. Understand from other’s view point. Do not judge.
5. Listen without any bias.
6. If you can’t comprehend ask questions to get the clarity.
7. Do not have hidden agendas , understand the speaker agenda.
8. Be suggestive do not become prescriptive.
9. Do not dominate the other person.
10. Show Empathy by verbal and nonverbal communication.
11. Be attentive to parent’s, kid’s, friend’s, relative’s, neighbor’s say.